Introvert or Extrovert?? πŸ€”

Unless you’re living under a rock, am sure you all must be well acquainted with Facebook and the many varied quizzes that come up in your feed…what’s your spirit animal, which character of game of thrones are you, are you a hills or beach person, which character from Friends sitcom do you resemble the most, how good is your grammar, which celebrity will be your ideal partner (please let it be Ryan Gosling😍)… etc etc…I have done and enough and more of such stupid quizzes in the past for some time pass and these days I am done with them and skip right through them…after all they are just frivolous and hardly make sense. However last night, I came across a quiz ‘Are you an introvert or Extrovert?’ that piqued my interest and I decided to give it a go.

But this time I was in for a surprise. Each question was on the lines of ‘would you rather do this or that’, ‘do you prefer this over that’. And the options given were such that I just couldn’t make up my mind. And that’s wierd right..coz you are either this or that…you are either a very bubbly, talkative person who is a delightful social presence or just the idea of meeting so many people makes you feel sick in the stomach and you would rather just curl up in a blanket with a good book and a steaming cuppa coffee. But when I looked at the given options, I was like ‘damn I wanna do all those things, which one do I select??’ πŸ€”πŸ€”

It might sound funny, but for a few minutes, these questions baffled me so much and made me scratch my head and almost gave me an existential crisis…that if I couldn’t answer such a basic question about myself, of whether I am an introvert or Extrovert, then how do I answer the more serious questions like Who am I? What Am I? πŸ˜–πŸ˜£πŸ˜³πŸ˜¨

Because the thing is, that as an outsider, if you meet me you will definitely consider me an extrovert. And rightly so. I love talking. And like to engage in conversation. Which is why it sometimes infuriates me when 100 words out of me just invokes a ‘hmm’ or an ‘OK’ from my husband 🀬😣. It just kills my vibe and makes me scowl and fume. Anyways, coming back to the topic, whether it borders on office gossip or some family scandal or just any random discussion on politics, weather, life in general, I am always ready to chip in with my words of wisdom πŸ˜‡. And it really doesn’t matter if I know you from kindergarten or we just met 2 minutes ago…I am equally at ease (unless you’re some hottie trying to hit on my husband…then you get my scowl rather than my dazzling smile πŸ™„πŸ€¨πŸ˜•). I so look forward to the occasional nightouts with us pub hopping, dancing away till the wee hours (I am talking about pre covid times here). Now all these things are textbook definition of an extrovert, and that’s what I always considered myself to be.

However, there is also a less publicised side of me, that’s quieter, loves the solitude, spending time with just myself without talking to anyone, having important conversations in my head about the significant as well as the trivial. Soaking up the quietness, the peace and tranquility. Ideally, that’s what early mornings feel like (so am told, I have no idea πŸ˜›), but for me it’s the silence of the night when it’s past everyone’s bedtime. That’s my time to thrive. To read, to blog, to make imaginary travel plans, to think about life, career, family, Friends, myself. To reflect on the past, think of the present and contemplate the future. Sometimes, even during the day, I might be in such a mood where I would happily pass off an offer to check out the latest pub or cafe as I don’t feel like bantering away. And prefer a day out just with myself. Lazing around. Listening to my favourite songs. Just enjoying my own company to recharge and rejuvenate. Now isn’t that textbook definition of an introvert? πŸ€”πŸ€”

Hence, you can get an idea of the confusion in my mind when I had to pick between options like would you rather go on a vacation with friends (oh! Yes please) or spend a few days lazing around at home doing whatever the hell you want (this one sounds tempting too)…both choices I would pick happily but which one to select?

So my question is this? Are we strictly either an extrovert or an extrovert? Is a middle ground possible in this case? That one day I am an extrovert and an introvert on the other depending on my current mood? Isn’t branding myself to be one be an insult to the other , which is also as much a part of my personality?

So I resort to everyone’s favourite agony aunt- Google of course!! And I came to know this very reassuring fact.

So seems am not a wierdo and THERE IS a term that aptly describes my personality type…AMBIVERT.

Yayyyyyy πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ.

But Wouldn’t it be wonderful if these stupid quizzes weren’t so stupid and actually gave us a clearer picture like you are x% extrovert and y% introvert and avoided such confusion that makes me scratch my head at 3 AM? Is that too much to ask from a mere algorithm that’s basically just interested in footfall to count how many people opt to take the quiz, nevermind the authenticity of the results? Well, enough thought, enough said, enough done. I am not going to spend my precious time being caught up in this dilemma any longer. To these quizzes I say, ‘first you be more thorough in your analysis, be more accurate in your results, then you can expect me to take part in your quiz’. Until then, I will refrain from branding myself as either. Rather I will embrace both sides with equal joy. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ’•πŸ’•

In the pursuit of SELF LOVE!!

A few weeks back I was watching Sex And The City…and saw the scene where Samantha breaks up with her hot bf saying this:

I love you but I love me more. ~ Samantha Jones, Sex and the city.

So I have seen this before (yes coz am one of those who keeps watching things again and again) but suddenly this time it hit home. And it really got me thinking…We all love a lot of things or a lot of people….we love our parents, siblings,friends, Boyfriends, girlfriends,we love our homes,plants and on and on….but we often forget to love the most important person in our lives….ourselves.

If something in life doesn’t go as planned, we are always the first to blame ourselves. Why did I do this? What’s wrong with me? Why does this always happen to me? It must have been my fault. You get the thought process right? But when something goes right, we tend to give credit to everyone and everything but ourselves. We say things like ‘oh I just got lucky’ or ‘oh that other person really made it happen’…but we hardly ever say..even to ourselves…yes man you did it. You worked at it and you got it going..well done you. Am I right or wrong? But why is that?

Is it a personal trait or is it a more generalized thing that can be attributed to our society, our parents, childhood and our upbringing in general? What makes it such a common phenomena to easily loathe ourselves but hardly ever appreciate ourselves? Honestly I think it’s an amalgamation of all these things in varying proportions in each of our lives.

Whatever be the cause, the effect is this: we are conditioned to be self critical. Particularly for girls. We are always so critical of our looks, our appearance, our social standing,what our husbands and boyfriends think of us, what our friends think of us…. and these days we have an additional worry of our social media image (as if life wasn’t tough as it is). Always being vigilant to click pictures in angles that work best to hide our physical flaws. Why? What are we so afraid of? Body shaming? Bullying? Criticism? But we already do all that to ourselves anyways πŸ™„ . Then why is it so important what others think of us?

It’s perhaps because we are so conditioned to seeking others’ approval for self worth. And isn’t that the most bizarre thing? That we need to depend on someone else’s opinion of us to make us realize what we are. Who we are. And what’s our worth really. The more I thought about the twisted logic in this…the more I realized what a dumbass idea it really is. And what a big idiot I have been all this while. Well, I guess in that moment, the feisty spirit of Samantha took over me and I was determined to put an end to this. To stop craving any and evryone’s approval and seek my own. To be confident in my own skin and to take the reigns of my
Self worth in my own hands(ok that sounds dramatic πŸ˜›πŸ˜›) but I think you get the idea.

And well the good news is that this feeling,this attitude..it is reversible. It won’t happen overnight. You won’t wake up one fine day and stop seeking validation from others and be all mushy in self love.No. That’s not gonna happen (wish it did, though). It’s going to be hardwork, especially at the beginning, because it isn’t easy to suddenly change your attitude,your outlook and your approach to life that you’ve had for several years, perhaps decades. 
Some pointers that I found to be useful in this new found pursuit of self love that
I found to be particularly useful:

* Stop seeking validation from anyone.
* Be your ONLY and best judge.
* Spend time to asses yourself-your strengths, weaknesses and areas of improvement.
* Appreciate your strengths. Things that make you unique and loveable. And hold on to it no matter what.
* Identify weaknesses. Don’t be too harsh but am sure everyone has some flaws, some shortcomings. Identify them before giving a chance for someone else to point them out to you.
* make a list of areas of improvement. Some skills you might wanna learn or brush up or inculcate.
* be kind to yourself.
* Prepare a mantra that you can keep repeating to yourself to keep up the morale to keep going.
* And the most difficult but absolutely essential thing…learn to love yourself. JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (remember Bridget jones’ diaryπŸ˜›πŸ˜œ)

So next time you feel the blues and feel like you’re swimming in a sea of self pity and worthlessness… remember this ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup…take care of yourself first’.

Coz the ultimate truth is this….We are all one of a kind. Unique, Fabulous and Effing Awesome. ❀️❀️