It’s a cloudy day today, And so is my mood. Some things don’t feel right, While others still feel good.
It’s just one of those days when I sulk and brood, If you rub me the wrong way I can even be rude, I feel like hiding under my hood, Today, just today, just stop messing with me dude.
Reflecting on the things I have to do and the things I should, Realize nothing much of that will happen, if to meetings and deadlines I remain glued, If only the fretting and overthinking stopped, if only it could, I know that would help a great deal in getting me out of the woods.
I need a generous dose of happiness, To feel better, to uplift my grumpy mood, Can chocolate do the magic? Hell it sure could. Suddenly I hear it…a faint thunder roll in the distance…and a few precious raindrops on the window pane, And I know for sure..God has rewarded me with an instant feel good. 🙂🌧️⛈️
I thought I will start 2021 with a positive blog like a new year resolution list (don’t we all love listing out things none of which we will perhaps accomplish)…. but I guess that wasn’t meant to be… something happened or rather ‘someone’ happened that made me feel like I need to write about it, and vent out in the process…
In school, we were known as the 3 musketeers, always together and absolutely inseparable. Shared lunches, all our secrets, were witnesses to our first crushes, boyfriends, graduation. I knew in my heart that I had 2 lifetime friends in them and no matter time, distance or anything else, nothing could separate us.
But then….life happened…our education and later work lives took us to different places..we promised to keep in touch and made it a point to meet when in town and spend as much time as possible. But gradually such meetups reduced, lies, complexities and insecurities increased,issues and misunderstandings piled up. Two of us found some common ground and stayed best friends like before, while the third leg of the tripod slowly started giving away..growing more distant and almost became someone that I felt like I barely knew. And after a point, I just stopped trying to figure out what was going wrong. And gradually but surely enough, we drifted apart. And now, it’s been so long since we last met or spoke that we are as good as strangers. Isn’t that just sad. But alas that’s the way it is.
And over time, I made my peace with it. After all we were besties when we were young, immature and life was much less complicated. And now we have become such different people with such different lives. We have nothing in common anymore. We are as good as strangers.
However, things took an interesting turn at the start of the year. This erstwhile bestie suddenly raises hell and declares a comeback. Incessant calls, messages on every social media I use. It was like I was being stalked 24/7.
I ignored for a while. But then contemplated talking out things with her. If not for anything, but just to honour the friendship we once had. And maybe she had realised things and had changed as a person. So I did start replying to some of her messages. To start a conversation and see where it goes. But pretty early on in the conversation, especially when she said things like ‘i don’t even know why you’re pissed’, I realized she was oblivious to all that she had done, all the times she truly hurt me, all the times she lied to me, broke my trust, helped my ex cheat on me, the countless times she said things behind my back…even after all these years, she was oblivious to her wrong doings and never admitted to any of those things.
It didn’t take me long to realise that we really couldn’t go back to being what we were, because the very foundation of any good relationship is Trust. And if I can’t trust her completely, what’s even the point of being friends? So with a heavy heart and a clear conscience, I wished her well and requested her to let things be. But She wouldn’t listen to any of it. It was like she was on a mission to mend things. Maybe it was one of her new year resolutions that I was just not letting her tick off.
I remained firm in my decision. Her non stop messages and calls have since subsided. I wonder if I did the right thing. But God knows, I have enough shit on my plate to be able to handle her drama. Maybe at another time, at another juncture in life, I would have been more patient and forgiving. But At this point in time, I just don’t have the energy or the patience to deal with this once-best friend-now attention seeking stranger. But I sincerely do wish her well and hope she can check off the remaining items from her new year resolutions list. 😐😐
“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.” – Ally Condie