Are we getting addicted to loneliness?🤔

Events in the past few days have made me contemplate a lot on this topic. Before I go on any further, let me tell you what triggered this chain of thought.

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts (2022 seems to be a mixed bag so far…) that we shifted to a new house. This apartment comes with facilities like a pool, table tennis, snooker setups etc. None of which, my husband or I have ever used in these past months. Weekdays are consumed with work calls, meetings, long hours of sitting in front of the laptop. The remaining time, we prefer to waste it with mindless scrolling on various social media platforms, binge watching and just keeping busy with our phones and laptops. Weekends are filled with household chores, lazing around, maybe going out for dinner or catching a movie or an occasional meet-up with the few old time friends we have. This is our life, especially in the post covid life. And as you can tell, this kind of life and lifestyle doesn’t really give us the opportunity to meet too many new people and get new friends. Or so I thought!! Turns out, that’s just a bullsh*t excuse.

And how do I know that? Well, my in-laws came over. They usually stay with us for a few months every year. And my father in law absolutely hates it. Not because he doesn’t like living with us, but because he feels extremely lonely and isolated here. No friends, relatives or acquaintances to talk to, to meet and catch up over a cup of tea. So he either spends time talking with them on calls or telling us stories about them. And so, while he stays with us, he literally counts days before he heads back home to ‘his people’. This is how things have been all these years.

But this time, it has been different. Our apartment has a table tennis and snooker board. I had seen senior people playing there (i have never joined in, coz I don’t know how to play either of them). So one day, i suggested to him to go and try it out. And he did. Initially, he was reluctant and hesitant. But gradually he started going pretty regularly. Came back and told me about meeting this person, talking to that person. It’s been a few weeks now, and today he has a ‘friend circle’ here. Mostly comprising of retired, senior people, much like him. They play a few rounds of Table tennis, take a walk in the park, sometimes just sit and talk about their past jobs, travels, kids, grandkids. But this daily interaction of an hour or so, has brought about such a huge change in my father in law. He is definitely more upbeat, eats on time so that he is light and agile when he goes to play. Comes back and shares some interesting anecdotes shared by his ‘friends’. I have even seen him practice his shots in the air, in front of the mirror. The same man who would always crib about staying with us, away from his friends and relatives is now thinking of moving in permanently with us!! Thats the power of friendship and human connections.

As happy as i am about this change in him, it’s also making me wonder about my dwindling friend list. My father in law has made more friends in a week than I have in the last 3-4 years. Not on social media. I have a pretty solid count there. I have over 500 followers each on all the social media platforms, who like and comment on all my pics that display my ‘happy life’. But I am talking about real time friends. Friends we meet with or speak to regularly on phone, WhatsApp, facetime etc. People who actually know about what’s going on in our lives and not just what we post online. I am talking about the friends who know of our struggles, our downfalls, our lows, stuff that don’t go up on our social media walls. And am afraid, that count of real, true friends is rapidly dwindling for me. 😔😔

I look at the other same aged person in the house. My husband. He has/had a lot of friends. Friends from school, friends from college, friends from each company he worked in. And he is in touch with a lot of them. And yet he complains that he has no friends to hang out with these days.

So why is it that two 30-something, friendly, social people have such an acute shortage of friends, while a retired 70 year old man can make friends so easily? Are things like lack of communication, time constraints, hectic lives to be blamed for this draught in our friend finding quest? Or does the fault lie in us? 🤔🤔

I think the fault definitely lies with us. We have stopped putting in the one thing that makes all the difference. Effort. We don’t put effort anymore to maintain the relationships that we have built during our lifetime. We don’t put effort to communicate, to reach out, to find out how they are doing. We just see posts from people and assume they are fine. That they are happy. We don’t take it upon ourselves to reach out and have a real heart to heart conversation. I dont know about you, but i definitely don’t. Except for a handful of people, I just don’t make an effort to be in touch.

I would normally blame it on my hectic and demanding job, erratic work hours, late nights, household chores. Even covid. But truth is, I am happy in my own space. My safe little cocoon where I am left alone. I hate to admit it, but truth is, with age and the ups and downs of life, I have found solace in solitude, peace in my own concocted world, I have ended up finding comfort in my loneliness.

But i wonder, is it just me or is it the same with others too? Looking around, i feel it’s not just me. We have a common friend who lives in the same city but despite several texts to plan and meet up, he never steps out. When asked, he says he is too busy. But how busy can a millennial, single guy be? Especially on weekends? 🤔🤔

Seems like, these days we are so engrossed in our own lives, our own problems, that slowly we are losing interest in others. We are losing touch with people, losing interest in reaching out to others, sharing our problems or in knowing about their troubles. We don’t want to share our own feelings, we don’t want to know others’ problems as well. We just want to be left alone. Left alone to ourselves. Immersed in our loneliness. And loneliness is addictive. Once you get used to it, it’s difficult to get back to mainstream social life. And that is a dangerous thing. Coz we are after all social beings and this kind of isolation cannot be the norm I suppose.

What do you think? Are we, as a generation heading towards an unhealthy obsession with loneliness? Is it going to be the new normal going forward or is it time we pull up our socks and get out of this before we are rendered incapable of forming meaningful social bonds? Would love to know what you guys think.

Dungeon of darkness ⬛

Just when you think things are going right,

Something unexpected and devastating hits you,

And suddenly everything is as dark as night.

No air to breathe and no sight to view.

You’re plunged into a dungeon of hopelessness,

From where it feels impossible to come out,

The harder you try, the more you feel helpless.

Scream and cry as much, there’s no way of breaking out.

Engulfed in darkness,

Plummeting to an abyss of despair,

Feelings going numb, upto the point of inertness,

Paranoia permeating every cell in your body, leaving you gasping for air.

The happy memories of the past are now distant and a blur,

The chances of them returning in the future seems bleak,

The voice in your head says ‘Keep going’ but they slur,

Your body paralyzed with fear, too numb, too weak.

What do you do in such a situation?

How do you get out of this mess?

Will you ever get to see the rays of sunshine outside this dungeon?

Or will this be your permanent home now, this dungeon of darkness??

Have you guys ever felt like this at some point in time or the other? What do you do? How do you push yourself to get out of this dark space and motivate yourself to be positive and never let go of the optimism? Do share in the comments. Am sure it will be helpful to many, including ME….hope you all are doing well…stay healthy and be happy friends💟💟

A deadly affair: A rock concert. ME. And Pneumonia!!

Well to be honest, i had been working on another post, but the events that have unfolded in the past few weeks compelled me to write this one. After all, who doesn’t like a dark, twisted tale of fate. So here goes.

About 2 weeks back, my husband was browsing a site to check out the list of upcoming music concerts in our city. To our surprise, one of our favourite Dj (an internationally renowned one with many many hits to his credit) was slated to perform on the 15th April in our city. As soon as we saw this, our excitement was palpable and we booked tickets then and there, as it was something on both our bucket lists (yeah, we are those who take the bucket list pretty seriously and strive to check off items and then maybe add some more). It was gonna be epic and we were excited and ecstatic about it.

Coincidentally, the day of the concert was also our new year..while most would spend the day in ethnic wear, preparing and eating traditional delicacies, we were gonna spend the day drinking beer, jumping and head banging!! So on the D- day, we headed off to the venue, super excited. The venue was all set for the rock concert. It was an open air concert, and when we reached, the weather was cloudy, breezy and all seemed just perfect. Until..

It started raining!! Yepp, a few hours into the show when some of the other DJs were playing, it started drizzling. Like i mentioned, it was an open air venue, with absolutely no shades to hide under. And who on earth ever carries an umbrella or raincoat to a rock show. Adrenaline was high. So were our spirits (quite literally if you know what I mean 😜🍻🍻). So like the 20,000 others present, we too got drenched in the rain, enjoying the thrill and fun of it all. Thankfully the rain stopped after a while, but not before we were drenched considerably. But the show continued. And so did our enthusiasm. The show went well. We enjoyed immensely. But trouble started when we were searching for a ride back home. No cabs. For a whole 2 hours!! It was way past midnight when we somehow managed to get a cab at an exorbitant rate and ride back home. The show was great. We had fun. Our day went very well. Or so I thought. 😑😑

But the very next morning, I felt feverish. Over the course of the next few days, i got high fever and was coughing incessantly. Things started going downhill. By the 4th day, I knew this was not a seasonal fever and a visit to the hospital was calling. I listened to my body and my mother’s frantic calls about taking it seriously and get medical attention. And so we went straight to the ER. Once there, they immediately observed my oxygen levels were dipping and I was put on oxygen support. Had to be admitted and spent the next few days on oxygen support with a gazillion tests being done. When the reports came back, the doctors were in for a shock. So were we. I had got a severe chest infection. ‘you got pneumonia’ they said.

If you remember, i had mentioned in my earlier post (read 2022 seems to be a mixed bag so far…) i was down with Covid in February. I had mild symptoms and recovered without any major issues then. But turns out, my tryst with covid then had weakened my already f**ked up immune system and now this ‘whole getting drenched in the rain + staying drenched for several hours+ cold breeze at late night’ combination culminated into this horrible mess and I ended up in my 2nd home..the hospital. 😫😵

As i lay in the hospital bed, breathing in the oxygen-for-hire, watching the tensed faces of my parents, the bewildered look on my husband’s face and the exhausted look on my doctor’s face (he has been dealing with my medical antiques for years now), i couldn’t help but wonder at the absurdity of it all. Out of the 20,000 people at the concert, all were drenched, most faced the same predicament with the unavailability of cabs while returning, did anyone else face such a situation wherein they ended up in the hospital with a near fatal infection?? Of course, i don’t know the answer to that. But something tells me, i am probably the only (un)lucky one to be in this situation!! And to think that I was dreading a hangover the next day. How stupid am I?? 🙄🙄

Well, by god’s immense grace and my mother’s incessant prayers, i am now out of the hospital, recuperating at home. Taking medicines, doing my breathing exercises. Hoping my lungs recover soon from this nasty infection and once again attain their former glory of being perpetually high (on oxygen)!! Might take a while but hope to get there soon enough.

So what has this bizarre turn of events taught me?

A) If there is a slightest chance of the weirdest shit happening, and i am in the vicinity, then it will definitely happen (coz, just my luck)

B) I am extraordinary, so are my health issues. So take no chances, and head to the ER at the earliest.

C) Always carry an umbrella to an open air event!! Or anywhere for that matter.

D) No matter what, keep the humour alive, even if that means laughing at your own misfortunes.

So That’s what was keeping me busy the past few weeks. Hope you guys had it better. Much love to ya’ll 💕💕

Does Empathy make you a better friend?? 🤔

The other day, I came across a short video on YouTube about empathy. It basically said that those who have suffered in life, experienced loss, pain, grief etc undergo changes in their feelings and attitude towards others, all of which makes them more compassionate, more understanding, better listeners and in turn better friends, especially towards people who have had their share of ups and downs, challenges and ordeals. Basically, empaths turn out to be a godsent friend to someone whose lives have been less than rosy and far from perfect.

Among the hundreds of meaningless reels, vidoes we see everyday and swipe on to the next, there are very few that actually make an impact and stay on with you. This one did. And it made me reflect on the most important relationships I have (not too many unfortunately). Whether these people are empathetic or sympathetic and how has that changed our equation over the course of time.

Case 1-

Let me go back about a decade back, when I started my first job (damn, that makes me feel so old), I met this guy, a year junior to me. He was like an answer to all my dreams. Not romantic dreams!! But dreams to have a sibling. One with whom I can share all my joys and sorrows. Let’s call him Lil bro. We bonded instantly and were inseparable during those 3 years we spent working in the same team. We used to share everything about our personal lives, the mess that was our love lives back then, the heartbreaks we had endured and bitching about the idiots we dated then and before. We had formed a bond of a lifetime. He became the brother I never had and always wanted. He had a roommate who was also like a brother to me and we too bonded well.

Over the course of the next few years, Lil bro settled abroad, earned in dollars, married the girl who fulfilled all the criteria in his checklist (good looks, good looks and good looks), lived the American dream life. His flight of life had taken off and soaring high, while mine was on the runway briefly, but ultimately grounded for repair work and maintenance. (whoa, gotta admit, that was a good metaphor, wasn’t it?😆). Either ways, we got busy with our lives and eventually the frequency of calls and meet ups reduced.

Meanwhile, his roommate settled for a less lucrative job in his hometown. His father fell sick around the same time as I did. He came to meet me in the hospital several times. We kept in touch. I used to keep asking about his father’s health and he followed up on mine. His father passed away 2 years later. He was devastated. I used to message him daily to check up on him. He always asked me how I was feeling, how i was dealing with my changed circumstances. Whenever I go back home, we make it a point to meet, and whine, bitch, crib and also laugh at our miserable lives over delicious food and wine. Our trysts with sickness, ill health and the long drawn repurcussions of it made us both empathetic towards each other. We bonded over discussions based on hard, painful, uncomfortable topics.

As of today, I am in touch with both of them. But conversations with Lil bro (few and far apart) are usually about the good old days, all the fun parts. Nothing unpleasant. Nothing awkward, nothing heartfelt. Coz I somewhere feel that he won’t get it. By god’s grace, he hasn’t experienced anything so painful or suffered through any real tragedies. And while I am extremely happy for him, I do find it hard to relate to him these days. Whereas, i have grown much closer to his roommate. He has truly become a younger brother, a confidant, a supporter and a friend to whom I can rant about the unfairness of life as well as laugh over the silly things. Our brush with suffering, grief, pain, sickness and loss has helped us bond and cemented a friendship based on the unpleasantness of life. 💖💖

Case 2-

My cousin sister and I are of the same age and ever since we were little, we were inseparable. We were soul sisters even before we had heard or the word or knew what it meant. If she had a secret, i was the first to know. And vice versa. And it continued to be so till about college. Then work, marriage took us to different cities. Our lives took us on different paths. She got busy with work, husband, kid. I got busy with my shitshow of a life. We did keep in touch. But when I really needed a friend, a sister, she never reached out. Probably, her lack of similar experience or suffering, made it difficult for her to become an empath and reach out and offer support. As of today, we do talk on and off, but safe to say, that if she has a secret now, i am not going to be the first to know. Infact, i probably won’t know it at all. And same for me. 🤷

Case 3-

This is about yours truly. The past few years have been very challenging for me. Sickness, grief, loss, fear, anxiety have never left my side. I was always emotional and sensitive. But my life experiences have now made me over emotional and over sensitive. So the other day, my husband’s friend and his wife came over for dinner. I have met her 3-4 times in total. She’s cool and I like her. That night our general chitchat veered off to unchartered territory and she ended up sharing a lot about all the troubles in her married life. I guess my own life experiences have made me an empath as well, as I just sat there, listening to her, letting her vent, letting her ramble on. And Seeing her cry and narrate her ordeals just broke my heart. I advised her based on what I thought was right. And I do genuinely hope she can sort things out. 💔💔

Well these are just 3 instances i could think of, where the presence of empathy or the lack of it changed some of the relationships in my life. Where empathy created new bonds, formed new unexpected friendships, the lack of it depleted the closeness and the emotional attachment in existing relations. So yes, based on my personal experiences, i do think that empathy makes you a better friend. It makes you more sensitive to other people’s pain, their suffering. Because, you too have experienced the grief, suffering at some point, maybe of a different kind, maybe of a different intensity. But you do know what it feels like, when you’re down and out. Whether it’s failure or sickness or loss or just silent suffering, once you have experienced it, it’s easier for you to understand what the other person might be feeling. It makes you feel empathy and that empathy often makes you reach out and offer a shoulder to cry on or atleast lend an ear to listen to them rant, ramble, vent and sometimes, this act of reaching out and showing care and concern paves the way for a forever kind of friendship. 💖💖

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think empaths make better friends? Do let me know in the comments. Will look forward to reading them. Happy weekend friends 😊😊

SHE

She is delicate, she is beautiful,

She is responsible, she is dutiful,

She is emotional, she is intelligent.

She is hard working, she is diligent.

She is brave, she is savage,

She is extraordinary, and above average.

She is fearless, she is bold,

She is beautiful, when young and even when old.

She is thoughtful, she is compassionate,

She is tough, but also delicate.

She loves one, she loves all,

In the face of all adversities, she stands tall.

She nurtures, she protects,

She guides, she educates.

She gives without asking and loves with all her heart.

Her ability to love unconditionally is nothing less than art.

She is a mother, she is a sister,

She is a wife, a friend or a daughter.

In a lifetime, she dons so many roles,

She aces each one with heart and soul.

But above all, she is a Woman.

A person of substance, integrity, one who constantly tries to be a good human.

The epitome of beauty, grace and poise.

So celebrate her everyday, c’mon let me hear you make some noise!!!

All I am saying is that we women are fabulous and we should be celebrated not just on Women’s day but every day…and if no one shows up, let’s take a pledge to celebrate ourselves. Each day. And every day. 💖💖 Do you agree? Let me know in the comments. Keep it sassy ladies 😎😎

2022 seems to be a mixed bag so far…

It seems like only an instant back, we were welcoming the new year, hoping that year 2022 will do away with all our worries and compensate all the loss and hopelessness with abundant happiness and of course prosperity. And now 2 months have already gone by…

How has the year been for you all so far?? All good? All bad? For me, I think it’s been a rollercoaster ride with a mixed bag of events and emotions. I have experienced tranquility and turmoil. A sense of Zen and chaos.

Like i mentioned in my previous post New beginnings 🏠, we shifted to our new home. The last weeks of December and first weeks of January were spent settling in. Trying to make this new place a home of our liking. We threw a small house warming party for some friends and family. 2022 seemed to start off on a rather nice note. Until..

I got a call from my parents saying they were both having fever and cold. These days, these 2 words together immediately sets off the panic button. Asked them to get tested and yupp, sure enough..they both tested covid positive. Living so far away, I felt pretty helpless and all i could do was keep calling to check up on them and occasionally ordering food online for them to get a break from the monotony of quarantining at home. Thankfully, they are vaccinated and were/are gradually recovering. And within a week of them testing positive, my husband and I also fell sick and tested positive. And we never even stepped out of home. All we did was go down to pick up online delivered groceries and the occasional evening walks. And that was enough to catch the damned virus!! 😵😫

Now I had heard that the new variant is not that powerful and all. I have been severely sick in the past due to various other ailments, but let me tell you, that no other time have I experienced such body pain and fatigue. Even when I was hungry, I couldn’t bring myself to get up and eat, let alone cook or work. Nobody could come and help us, as we were in isolation. Our parents were worried sick (literally in this case 😛). Even though the fever and body pain subsided in a few days, we were left feeling tired and exhausted beyond measure. I was off work for 3 weeks!! That’s the longest leave I have had in 4 years!! Thankfully we both took care of each other and are slowly and hopefully coming out of it.

So to all those who are feeling that the pandemic is over, I’d request you to be cautious. It’s still very much out there and ready to bite your ass. And it’s NOT a pleasant experience at all.

These days of home quarantine can be lonely and isolating, making one feel bored, restless,or even melancholic. But there were 2 things that kept me going…While the doctor prescribed meds took care of my body and helped it fight the virus, there were 2 things in my life that gave me mental peace, restored the zen in me and filled my life with the much needed dose of hope and positivity. First is of course my Plant babies. Infact after moving in, I have added some more to my mini garden. Even when I was down and out with fever and body pain due to the virus, I dragged myself to water the plants atleast on alternate days. Having my morning tea in my garden, seeing the flowers bloom, the morning breeze rustling the green leaves, and seeing them soak up the sunlight and thrive, made me feel so much better. They literally acted as a balm to my throbbing head and aching body. Plants truly add color and hope in our lives. They have been one of my favourite companions throughout the pandemic for the past 2 years. 🌿🌱💓

I started this as a hobby but in these last 2 years, I have developed a true love for gardening. Here are some pics of my new plant babies🥰🥰. Hope you like them….

Also, we have an addition to our family…we got some fish babies for our aquarium 🐠🐟…the aquarium was inbuilt in the new house…an empty aquarium looks bad we thought, so just for the purpose of aesthetics and decoration, we got 10 small ones…and we instantly fell in love with them. We gave them names and fed them and I have spent many hours watching their every movement and even talking to them (Crazy much?? 😝😝)!! Sadly, 2 died within the first 2 days…even though they were with us for only a day or so, losing them felt devastating..my husband refused to just throw them in the trash and felt we should bury them, as it seemed like a more humane thing to do…so I buried them in one of the plant pots…those of you who have had similar experiences, what do you guys do in such a case?? Just curious, I don’t want to bury any more of them 😔

Thankfully the others are doing fine and just seeing them play around, fight, snooze or swim around have made my quarantine days somewhat exciting and eventful. Here’s a peak:

My fish babies playing about 💟💟

So that’s how the first 2 months of 2022 have been…one on end there was sickness (covid), death (fish), loneliness and despair (isolation) and on the other there were changes (moving in), additions (plants,fish), growth (blossom and bloom). So it’s really been a mixed bag of emotions and experiences for me, hope the rest of the year is mundane without any unpleasant surprises up its sleeves…how has 2022 been for you all so far? Do let me know in the comments.

And don’t forget to mask up and sanitise!! 😷

Every one has a story to tell 📒

Everyone has a story to tell,

Of the hardships they faced and the obstacles they overcame,

Of the times they triumphed and the times they failed.

Of the times they were misunderstood and took on the blame and the shame.

Everyone has a story to tell,

Experiences that have changed them in some ways.

Either pushed them in their cocoons or made them a rebel.

But who are you to judge, who are you to say?

Everyone has a story to tell,

Of the trials and tribulations that made them who they are,

Each have embarked on their own journeys of discovering what’s their heaven and hell.

They maybe different than you, but doesn’t give you the right to call them bizzare.

Everyone has a story to tell,

Of the person they once were and the one they are now,

Bid your age old notions and pre conceived judgements farewell,

Instead try to appreciate all they have endured and how.

If you really want to know,

Get to know their stories, get to know who they really are,

Don’t demean, don’t discriminate, don’t judge and stoop so low.

Be kind, be understanding, be their hero, be their superstar!!

We are often so quick to judge. Whenever we come across anyone a bit different than us, immediately, and probably subconsciously, we form an opinion about them. It could be hatred, dislike, or even pity. Frankly, none of that is acceptable. All we have to do is get to know them as people, listen to their stories, learn from their life lessons, get inspired by their journey and their resilience towards all challenges, learn to empathise and not sympathize and finally to wholeheartedly accept people as they are. We just have to train our mind to be less judgemental and to be more open, more thoughtful, more compassionate. It’s not that difficult. Do let me know your thoughts on this. 😊💖💖