Christmas..A Season Of Celebration and Gratitude.

Whether we like it or not, we are running a rat race with super busy and hectic lives. Thankfully, Christmas is that time of the year to connect and reconnect with friends and family. This gives us an opportunity to catch up with those who we may not get an opportunity to talk to as frequently as we would like. And trust me, it’s really wonderful, reminiscing the good ol’ days or just making all kinds of plans to meet soon. Whether or not that materialises is a different matter altogether. But no harm in planning exotic vacations or a much needed reunion. And sometimes during such conversations, some things come up that really force you to think long and hard about things.

One such thing happened when last night I had a long chat with my cousin sister. She lives in San Jose, California. During the hour long call she gave me updates about how their skiing trip was cancelled due to the lockdown enforced in light of the second wave of the pandemic. How for the first time in a really long time, they are celebrating Christmas at home all by themselves. How my niece who was so excited about experiencing college life is now forced to do online classes and is so bored at home that she is picking up new hobbies everyday. How my little nephew is inventing new games to play all by himself. She also mentioned that every year they raise money and buy all kinds of supplies like groceries and blankets and take them personally to the nearby shelters for the poor and less fortunate ones. Over the years, it’s become like a Christmas tradition for them and they make sure their kids help out and in the process know and appreciate how blessed they are. But this year, she mentioned how things were so different.

This year there were far more people queueing up outside the shelter…some had walked for miles to reach the venue, some had been living on the streets for days as they couldn’t find beds in any of the nearby shelters. This time she saw far more homeless families than usual. And upon talking to them, they came to know that most of them were in such dire straits due to loss of employment as many shops/factories/businesses had shut down due to the pandemic and the lockdowns imposed thereafter. Their limited savings were spent, now they were unable to pay their bills, house rent, school fees and were thus on the streets. Homeless. At their wit’s end trying to figure out their next meal. The plight of these families was so overwhelming for my sister that she decided to cut down on their own Christmas budget and extend some more help to these families. Even while narrating the incident, I could hear her choke up.

As for me, well for one, I couldn’t be more proud of her, as her little act of generosity surely would have gone a long way in helping someone in need. But it also got me thinking, if things are as bad as this in the world’s largest economy, then the situation is bound to be much much worse elsewhere. I just couldn’t get the thought out of my mind, of all these families who are jobless, homeless, penniless, with nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. How helpless they must feel. How hopeless the world must seem.

It really made my problems seem silly and inconspicuous in comparison. Made me realize how, so very often, we take things for granted. How ungrateful we are for the things we have. How much we complain and crib about not getting things that we don’t even need.

Yes, this year has been different. It’s been a year like no other. Life has been hectic, chaotic. Life has been mundane, unpleasant. The world out there is unsafe. We are in the grips of an unknown, invisible enemy. We are all living in fear, uncertainty, anxiety. In short, in the past year, life has been difficult and not much has happened to be thankful for.

But we must remind ourselves, that if we have a roof over our head, food on our plate, a warm bed to sleep in, enough money to pay our bills and the love of our near and dear ones, then that’s enough and more reason to be grateful and thankful this Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all πŸŽ…β˜ƒοΈπŸŽπŸŽ„β€οΈπŸ˜€

Christmas is forever,
Not for just one day.
For loving, sharing, giving,
Are not to put away.
Like bells and lights and tinsel,
in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others,
Is good you do yourself.

Norman W. Brooks

Life in the times of Corona…

Gone are the days when we could be happy and free,

Now home quarantined is all we can be,

Applying sanitizer, wearing face mask,

This is now the most important task.

Life was once so busy, commuting to work, all the traffic,

Now they seem like sweet memories, which once felt truly horrific.

Weekends were for socializing, to go out to wine and dine,

Now all days feel the same, sitting in front of the laptop pretending to be Miss sunshine.

But am not complaining,

Probably just reminiscing,

How different our lives used to be,

And how much it has changed, for our safety I agree.

But we must still be grateful,

For being healthy than sick is far more beautiful.

Thankful that we still have family and friends,

Whom we shall soon meet, once this pandemic ends.

Here’s hoping that day comes soon,

When we remember this time as a boon.

Until then, hang in there with some patience,

With the belief that our old normal will soon commence.

β€œI don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” – Anne Frank

Winter is here…

Winter is here,

With snow covered landscapes spread far and near,

‘Tis The season of joy and cheer,

Ho! Ho! Winter is here.

It is time to reflect on the past year,

To take a good, hard look at the scars beneath the happy veneer,

To look back at all the situations which made us feel defeated and shed tears,

To count the accomplishments and all times we overcame our fears.

And to count the blessings bestowed upon us this leap year.

Finally it is that time of the year,

To make plans with the near and dear,

To eat candies and deck up in festive wear,

To drink hot cocoa and smile from ear to ear,

To be ready to welcome Santa and all his reindeers!!

With renewed hope and vigour, joy and cheer, it’s time to welcome the new year!!

Rebirth…

The other day I got some beautiful marigolds for decorating the house…once the celebrations were done and the flowers had served their purpose (guess I’d like to believe that, rather than it actually being true)..the idea dawned upon me…rather than throwing it away in the garbage, why don’t I put it back where it came from…the soil…so I put these flowers in the mud inside a small glass pot and began my daily routine of watering and careful monitoring of the progress if any (as I honestly wasn’t too optimistic about my gardening skills)..

For the next few days, I was a keen observer…carefully assessing if there is any development. Any signs of change in the soil or the sight of a slender, young green shoot popping its way out of the soil. No luck. When this continued for almost a week or so, honestly I was quite disheartened. My first attempt at gardening (or rather creating a new plant from old flowers) seemed to be a very obvious failure. Searches on YouTube showed how things had to be done with some technicalities in mind, which obviously I didn’t do..so I guess my optimism was running out.

However, I kept watering the soil..just in case…And imagine my surprise, when suddenly, probably after 2 weeks or so after starting off on this experiment, I see tiny young stems making their way out of the soil…talk about little things giving immense joy…that never felt more true…I had not only become an ace gardener (ok, yes I know am really exaggerating, but what the heck..pat on my back nevertheless πŸ˜›πŸ˜›), but i also felt exhilarated that those dried up withered flowers (which I probably would have thrown away) were now going to blossom into beautiful flowers yet again…isn’t that what we call Rebirth…the miracle of nature?? 😊😊

This simple feat (yes I insist on calling it that) left me with several profound realisations… first being ‘Not to give up’..if I had stopped watering them midway seeing no progress, these little shoots would have literally never seen the light of day. That reamphasized the virtue of Patience (I tend to run out of it from time to time). It also reaffirmed my belief that its not always about being technically correct. Listening to your heart can also be equally fruitful. And most importantly, it gave me new sense of respect for the Cycle of life itself…we too are just like these flowers….we grow, we blossom, we thrive, we perish into the ground..only to be reborn again….just like these flowers, we too are eternal.

  • β€œSometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” …

Now am just going to continue to shower my love and care (and of course other basics such as water and sunlight) to make sure these tiny leaves and shoots can grow stronger roots and eventually fill the pot with beautiful flowers. πŸ˜ŠπŸ’

My fixation with….Christmas Rom-Comsβ›„πŸŽ„πŸŽ…πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘¨

I must admit, I haven’t been very active on WP for past few days…work has been really hectic with very long hours..together with household chores..it leaves me so drained, that in my spare time, I do not feel like using even one grey cell by blogging or even reading all the interesting blogs posted by my WP friends…so what do I do instead? Hitting the treadmill? No. Exercising? No. Doing anything constructive at all? No. None of that. Instead, I have been using this precious free time (usually at night when the world around is fast asleep) to binge watch atleast one Christmas ROM com every night!!

Must admit, I have always had a thing for ROM coms or what guys usually refer to as ‘chick flicks’…the liking started way back in high school…and that’s quite understandable. Because I was young and full of dreams and totally in love with the idea of love…and I thought, that once I ‘grow up’, eventually I will grow out of it and get more real and watch more of the realistic genre ..And to some extent I have…I do enjoy binge watching ‘serious’ stuff like documentaries or mysteries and thrillers…but turns out, I am yet to grow out of the fondness for all things mushy and all things ‘Christmas-y’. And, going by the number of such films I have watched in the past few weeks, I am scared it may have turned into a full blown obsession…almost like an addiction..the need and the compulsion to fulfill the daily quota of mush (is that even a thing??!!) πŸ™„

Infact, these days I spend about 10 minutes each day to search for more of these Chritmas romcoms and add it to my Netflix list, so that when I finally sit down to watch a film, I can just browse through the list and pick one right away. On the odd days that my husband is in the mood to watch something light hearted and casual at night, I snatch the remote and start off with one of my previously selected films (before he changes his mind), in the hope of dragging him into this obsession right along with me 🀭🀭. Work in progressπŸ˜‰.

If you think I am exaggerating, here’s the list of the last few films I saw: Christmas made to order, Princess switch, Christmas wish, Christmas inheritance, Christmas tale, Holidate, Knight before Christmas, Christmas prince, Christmas wedding, Christmas royal baby, Christmas wedding planner, Christmas wonderland, Christmas with a view, Christmas Inn, Operation Christmas drop….I could go on an on…see my point?? πŸ™„πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

All images from Google

And I do agree, most of them have fairly similar storyline… nothing that you haven’t seen before…throw in a cute bubbly girl, a heartbroken, brooding, serious but oh-so-handsome dude in a picturesque little town all decked up for Christmas πŸŽ„, they meet, they disagree, they fight and eventually end up falling in love and kissing under the mistletoe…and yet I never seem to get bored of it and watch with rapt attention as if I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the end..silly much??

I usually watch a few series (of different genres) simultaneously. But these days, they are all on hold. Coz who cares about political scandals, high school mysteries, marvel and DC shit…when Christmas is round the corner and I still have so many Christmas ROM coms waiting to be seen!! πŸŽ…β›„πŸ˜›β€οΈπŸ˜Š

Ps. What’s your favourite Christmas ROM com? Do share in the comments. And, If you have some suggestions, pls do suggest..I will add it to my Must-watch-ASAP-list for sure πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

THE 7 SINS.

The 7 Sins
Man….the Sinner

When God created Adam and his breed,
It was HIS best creation indeed,
For man was supposed to love, nurture and take care of Mother Earth in times of need,
But instead ended up causing massive destruction..all thanks to his GREED.

Man waged wars, built factories, cut down trees, killed flocks, fellow humans died,
Death, destruction, pollution spread far and wide,
God believed Man would mend his ways and ask God to be his guide,
But Man forgot the Master, started thinking of himself as the greatest entity…all due to his PRIDE.

Seeing others flourish and prosper made his heart heavy,
Made him utter profanities not one but a bevy,
He had enough and more, but still wanted to own more and many,
Never realising this would one day lead to his downfall…this sin we call ENVY.

Despite God’s best intentions, Man has always been on a downward path,
Driven by hatred and revenge, Man has caused many a bloodbath,
Never once bothering to look back at the aftermath,
He could have made some amends, if not for his all consuming WRATH.

It can be safely concluded upon careful scrutiny,
It is as important for Man to feed his ego as his tummy,
He has an appetite for all things greasy and carnivorous that can be bought with money,
That’s a sin too..the one we call GLUTTONY.

God watches with shame and disgust,
As he sees Man seek pleasure outside of sacred bonds, giving reasons for mistrust,
Faith, love, loyalty, committment all turning to dust,
Yet Man always succumbs… to his LUST.

He could have taken an oath, 
To mend ties with the people he used to once loathe,  
To show that he is capable of change, capable of growth,  
But alas, it keeps him right where he is..all due to his SLOTH.


The seven deadly sins, also known as the capital vices, or cardinal sins, is a grouping and classification of vices within Christian teachings…I suddenly chanced upon it (after watching a film by the same name as the title of my poem)…It got me intrigued and I looked it up a bit (thanks Google)…and I have just attempted to interpret it in my own way…please feel free to share any suggestions/corrections. πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘

F.E.A.R

There are so many F words that come to my mind,
Of them the most omnipresent would be FEAR,
To this emotion I seem to have completely resigned,
It grips me completely when at night even the slightest sound comes to my ear.

When was the last time I lived without it,
I honestly don’t remember.
I ponder hard and suddenly it hit,
It was few years back till before September.

That was the time when fear gripped me harder than ever,
It paralyzed me and made me go numb,
After that, it became permanent and  left me never..
It surpasses everything else and makes all the other emotions and me totally dumb.

As much as I may try to think past it,
And divert attention elsewhere,
This constant fear makes me beat,
No matter where I look or turn my gaze, I always feel it lurking ….oh it’s just right there.

Fear of losing, fear of trying new things, fear of enjoying too much,
The constant paranoia…I can’t even begin to tell,
It basically holds me back from doing anything wild and adventurous as such,
Here’s hoping one day I can conquer it and bid it a final farewell.. And tell it to go to HELL.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

It’s amazing how the smallest things sometimes trigger memories from the past, flash moments from days gone by and takes you back in time. Something similar happened the other day as I sat down in front of the TV and while surfing channels, suddenly a movie being aired in one one of the movie channels caught my attention.

As the title suggests, the name of the film playing on was called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a 1968 musical adventure fantasy film, directed by Ken Hughes with a screenplay co-written by Roald Dahl and Hughes, loosely based on Ian Fleming‘s novel Chitty-Chitty-Bang- Helpmann, and Gert FrΓΆbe.

Poster of the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

The film released many years before I was born. And I was introduced to this musical family with a magic car by my grand father. It was probably the first film I had seen or maybe the first one I remember watching and loving. If you ask me today how much of it I understood as a toddler, then I would perhaps say…. not much..but I do vaguely remember being amused by this family singing, dancing and flying off in a custom made, very cool car. But what remains etched in my mind till this day..is the image of me and my grandpa enjoying the film together. And the camaraderie I shared with him even as a toddler.

I sat there watching the film…trying to recall the storyline…didn’t remember much… instead was taken back in time…to the time I spent with my grand father and the many memories I had with him over the years…how he would smoke his much beloved cig and explain the workings of the world and I would just sit there, listening intently, soaking it all up and truly enjoying his words of wisdom and loving him for being the most doting grandpa one can have…it was truly a walk down memory lane..And the movie was just as enjoyable this time as well..😊😊

Friendship

Friends and friendships are of many types.
Some you meet later in life, some early, while in school,
Of them, some are sweet, some caring, most are fools, and only a few cool,
Social media ones? They are mostly fake and just plain hype.

School friends are like sunshine bright,
They don’t judge, they don’t tease,
With them you can share your darkest secrets with ease.
So even if you have just one of them, hold them tight.

School friends – If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything….

College friends are witness to your metamorphosis- from the shy geek to the confident rockstar,
Ragging, bullying, crush, kiss- they have been witness to all your firsts,
Spending together countless sleepless nights studying, partying and gulping beer to quench thirst.
So whenever you miss them, just meet up and hit the bar.

College Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans. …

Work friends are the newest ones,
At first, it’s a struggle to filter out the crowd to find a good one in the muddy pond,
Bitching about bosses during breaks builds the strongest bond,
Fun, frolic and banter continues until the ‘most discussed one’ returns..

Work friends- Chance made us colleagues but the fun we had made us friends..

And then there are some bonuses,
Meet a random person when you least expect,
Get talking and immediately you sense a heartfelt connect,
Who cares if you just met in the park or in one of the cafΓ©s….

Happiness is when you make unexpected, new friends…

So, no matter when, no matter how…
If you’re lucky to find a true friend, never let them go..
Even if you have a fight and behave like a foe,
It’s never too late. Just pick up the phone, say sorry and start over…. NOW !!


Dedicated to all my friends…old and new…to the ones still in my life…just wanna say ‘I love you’..to the ones I left far behind…I hope we get a chance to start over. 😊

Raindrops…

Raindrops keep falling on my head,
Like little drops of heaven..
No need to run to the nearby shed,
Just get drenched and soak it all in..

When it rains, the plants smile,
The animals rejoice..
The little streams picks up speed to cover an extra mile,
Through the thunders, you can almost hear the Almighty’s voice.

He knows how badly the Earth needs this shower to heal and replenish,
It’s his way of showing who is in control,
Although, HE lets Man think otherwise so that the fool can flourish,
Oblivious to the power play, enjoying the rain, fulfills my soul. πŸ’“πŸŒ§οΈβ˜”

All pics from Free Photo Library

Break Free…

As children we all used to be
So happy and gay,
Innocent, chirpy and all kinds of naughty
Our future troubles seemed to be so far far away…

As we started growing up,
Life got more and more complicated..
As troubles arrived, we had to buckle up,
Innocence gone and simplicity hated…

Life became all about appearance,
Capturing perfect pictures rather than making memories that last…
Likes,comments,shares and all such millenial nuisance,
It was all about being popular and how fast…

Took a while to realize what’s wrong,
Life is about making yourself happy…
Dancing in the rain, singing your favourite song,
To pause, take a long breath and just BE…

So let the world’s opinion of you blur in the background,
Make yourself your first priority…
Those who love you will always stick around,
So take off the worldly shackles and just BREAK FREE…

Pics from Free Photo library

Quarantine Learnings

Year 2020 will go down in history for a lot many things…but most significantly for the pandemic that has brought the entire world to a standstill and crippled us all with fear and anxiety. It has heralded a new way of life, which unfortunately, seems to be here to stay. But everything, good or bad, teaches us something new, something valuable. And this Corona situation is no different.

Firstly, it has added many words to my vocabulary..some new, some old, some seldomly used: to begin with the name of the nightmare itself- THE Corona virus/COVID-19, followed by other words which have come to be a part of our lingo these days, such as epidemic, pandemic (honestly I had never bothered to know the difference between the two words before..big mistake!!), lockdown, isolation, home quarantine, self quarantine, containment, isolation, PPE, co-morbidity, herd immunity, fatality rate, sanitization, community spread, symptomatic, asymptomatic, immunocompromised (which I amπŸ˜”)…and of course the word of the year perhaps… SOCIAL DISTANCING.

In addition to all these, there are several fun, new words doing the rounds on social media such as coronials or quaranteens (babies created during Corona times), quarantrends, quarantees, quarantech, quarantrolls….and my favourite so far…the COVIDIOTS (I often mumble this under my mask when I see ignorant blokes on the roads without masks).

The past six months have also taught me a whole lot of other things. Like I can bear to spend 24/7 for 6 months straight without killing my husband (and vice versa)…inspite of serious temptation on some occasions πŸ˜›πŸ˜›. On a serious note, it has increased my awareness and sense of responsibility. Even if I want, I cannot throw caution to the wind and take off without my mask and sanitizer coz I know it can be dangerous for my old ailing parents staying with me. So in a way it has reaffirmed the importance of loving my family, caring for their well being and being a support system to them. And I have to admit, these circumstances have actually given us the gift of time..to spend it with loved ones.

This lockdown phase has made me firmly believe that each of us are masters at multitasking. From working long hours in front of laptops to cooking, cleaning, spending time with family and also making time for ourselves…if we want, we can really do it all. Infact, I look at it as a blessing because it keeps me busy, my mind occupied and helps to keep up some semblance of normalcy in an otherwise abnormal time and world. And it finally forced me to do something that I always wanted but never quite got to doing… Blogging. And thus here I amπŸ€—.

Tune in to any TV channel or any social media platforms  and one can see the alarming situation in almost every country. People are dying, losing jobs, employment, livelihoods are at a risk. The healthcare systems are beginning to crumble due to the astounding number of patients and casualties. The economy plummeting to all time lows. It’s the same in almost every country. It’s all pretty disturbing and upsetting. And it really makes one wonder about how shallow we are that we worry about miniscule things when there is so much suffering and pain all around. Reminds me of the need to be grateful for what I have rather than crib about what I don’t. This whole pandemic situation has been humbling, to say the least.

If nothing else, quarantined life has definitely taught me the virtues of resilience, patience and hope. Resilience to stay put until this storm passes. To see the end of it(hopefully soon). Patience to endure these difficult times, to stay in the  safety of my home without yielding to the allure of the outside world which beckons to my outdoor-loving heart. With the hope that one day we will conquer this evil and world will be a safe place again. And when that happens, I hope I can step out into the new world as a better version of myself, thanks to all that I learnt during these past few months of quarantined life. Here’s wishing that day comes soon. πŸ™β˜ΊοΈ

In the pursuit of SELF LOVE!!

A few weeks back I was watching Sex And The City…and saw the scene where Samantha breaks up with her hot bf saying this:

I love you but I love me more. ~ Samantha Jones, Sex and the city.

So I have seen this before (yes coz am one of those who keeps watching things again and again) but suddenly this time it hit home. And it really got me thinking…We all love a lot of things or a lot of people….we love our parents, siblings,friends, Boyfriends, girlfriends,we love our homes,plants and on and on….but we often forget to love the most important person in our lives….ourselves.

If something in life doesn’t go as planned, we are always the first to blame ourselves. Why did I do this? What’s wrong with me? Why does this always happen to me? It must have been my fault. You get the thought process right? But when something goes right, we tend to give credit to everyone and everything but ourselves. We say things like ‘oh I just got lucky’ or ‘oh that other person really made it happen’…but we hardly ever say..even to ourselves…yes man you did it. You worked at it and you got it going..well done you. Am I right or wrong? But why is that?

Is it a personal trait or is it a more generalized thing that can be attributed to our society, our parents, childhood and our upbringing in general? What makes it such a common phenomena to easily loathe ourselves but hardly ever appreciate ourselves? Honestly I think it’s an amalgamation of all these things in varying proportions in each of our lives.

Whatever be the cause, the effect is this: we are conditioned to be self critical. Particularly for girls. We are always so critical of our looks, our appearance, our social standing,what our husbands and boyfriends think of us, what our friends think of us…. and these days we have an additional worry of our social media image (as if life wasn’t tough as it is). Always being vigilant to click pictures in angles that work best to hide our physical flaws. Why? What are we so afraid of? Body shaming? Bullying? Criticism? But we already do all that to ourselves anyways πŸ™„ . Then why is it so important what others think of us?

It’s perhaps because we are so conditioned to seeking others’ approval for self worth. And isn’t that the most bizarre thing? That we need to depend on someone else’s opinion of us to make us realize what we are. Who we are. And what’s our worth really. The more I thought about the twisted logic in this…the more I realized what a dumbass idea it really is. And what a big idiot I have been all this while. Well, I guess in that moment, the feisty spirit of Samantha took over me and I was determined to put an end to this. To stop craving any and evryone’s approval and seek my own. To be confident in my own skin and to take the reigns of my
Self worth in my own hands(ok that sounds dramatic πŸ˜›πŸ˜›) but I think you get the idea.

And well the good news is that this feeling,this attitude..it is reversible. It won’t happen overnight. You won’t wake up one fine day and stop seeking validation from others and be all mushy in self love.No. That’s not gonna happen (wish it did, though). It’s going to be hardwork, especially at the beginning, because it isn’t easy to suddenly change your attitude,your outlook and your approach to life that you’ve had for several years, perhaps decades.Β 
Some pointers that I found to be useful in this new found pursuit of self love that
I found to be particularly useful:

* Stop seeking validation from anyone.
* Be your ONLY and best judge.
* Spend time to asses yourself-your strengths, weaknesses and areas of improvement.
* Appreciate your strengths. Things that make you unique and loveable. And hold on to it no matter what.
* Identify weaknesses. Don’t be too harsh but am sure everyone has some flaws, some shortcomings. Identify them before giving a chance for someone else to point them out to you.
* make a list of areas of improvement. Some skills you might wanna learn or brush up or inculcate.
* be kind to yourself.
* Prepare a mantra that you can keep repeating to yourself to keep up the morale to keep going.
* And the most difficult but absolutely essential thing…learn to love yourself. JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (remember Bridget jones’ diaryπŸ˜›πŸ˜œ)

So next time you feel the blues and feel like you’re swimming in a sea of self pity and worthlessness… remember this ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup…take care of yourself first’.

Coz the ultimate truth is this….We are all one of a kind. Unique, Fabulous and Effing Awesome. ❀️❀️

The half hearted smile…πŸ™‚πŸ™‚

I often wonder…am I just surviving from one day to the next?

I had a very happy childhood and always believed in 1 thing…one can get through anything with a smile. A smile can get you through anything…the heartbreaks, the pain, the loneliness.

But over the years, the way life turned out for me. It just seemed to get harder and harder to keep the belief in my one life mantra. To smile. Yet smile I do. Hoping that the others around me don’t get to know the the sadness, the fear,the constant ache in my heart. Hoping that it can fool me too in believing that I am happy. That all is well indeed. But I often wonder .. this fake, half hearted smile…does it fool the others around me? My family..my friends..my colleagues? And most importantly does it fool me?