Is there a secret formula to a happy marriage?? πŸ€”πŸ€”

The other day the husband got a Call from his bud…asking to meet for drinks and that he needed ‘to talk’. Upon his return (and some nudging), I came to know that their marriage has hit a rough patch and catching up for drinks was just an excuse to find a friendly ear to vent out the pent up frustrations and discuss the hell that his married life has turned into.

And this is not the first friend with marital woes… recently reconnected with one of my college buddies and he too complained of trouble in paradise…surprised me because he is one of the nicest, coolest person I know. Plus, he is married for less than a year….and here I was, assuming he is too busy enjoying his honeymoon period to bother about old friends…

Trouble in paradise

Tales of such marital discord definitely stays on longer in a woman’s mind than a man’s. I say this with some certainty seeing the nonchalance on my husband’s part and quite the opposite on mine πŸ˜›.

When you hear so much about trouble in other people’s married lives, you are bound to take a good, hard look at your own…wonder if all is indeed well…if you are really, truly happy or it’s a just a superficial facade while it’s rotting underneath?….is the pandemic to be blamed for this? Are people unraveling under the pressures of being stuck at home with each other 24/7 and that is causing all the pent up issues to come to the surface? I mean, before covid walked in, we all had busy lives, going to work, commuting, socializing with friends, colleagues..and barely had enough time to spend with our spouses….now we spend every waking moment seeing them around..

Now, neither am I any expert nor my marriage is perfect, but my husband and I have been together for almost 9 years now…dated for 5 and married for 4..and in these 9 years we have gone through stuff that most people face in their entire lifetime..sickness, loss, grief, financial struggles, and of course a pandemic (who can forget that)….the ride has often been extremely difficult, tempestuous and at times turbulent…more so for the circumstances than anything else. Like 2 people stranded on a little boat caught in a storm in the middle of the sea (remember Life of Pi people?), braving the weather and the adversities that come with it…in short, we have been sailing our way through some serious shit. Anyways, that’s a tale for another day and another post.

That’s definitely US riding that one πŸ™„πŸ™

My point is, I always thought, that marriage or any romantic relationship for that matter, stands on 3 pillars , much like a tripod stand on its 3 legs, namely
LOVE, LUST and FRIENDSHIP.
Of course, that’s oversimplifying a very complex dynamics but this was just how I categorised it as per my understanding when I was young, naive and perhaps stupid.

But, over the years, I have realized that perhaps this formula isn’t foolproof. Lets be honest, lust decreases after a point. After years together with the same person, the passion and intensity dwindles, some amount of monotony sets in (if that’s not the case with you…damn you make me jealous😜😜).
For love, I’d say it kinda plateaus out, meaning it reaches the peak and then flattens out, which is a good thing as it means it’s consistent (OK, have to admit this idea is borrowed. The husband said it one day and it just stuck with me🀫🀫). You don’t get butterflies in your stomach every time he walks in, or you don’t blush at every compliment and compliments themselves are few and far between πŸ™„πŸ€¨. But it’s the third leg that actually keeps the ball rolling – friendship.

Think about it, it is friendship that makes us comfortable with each other. If you’re better friends, chances are you’ll talk more, share more, communicate more, maybe even fight more and get things out of your system. You will enjoy each others’ company more and understand where each one stands on certain matters. And it will definitely make these stuck-at-home-pandemic-days more bearable. Of course there are many other factors such as trust, respect, loyalty etc at play. But broadly speaking, sustaining a happy , healthy relationship definitely lies in becoming better friends. That is assuming the other 2 factors remain constant. Coz a friendly-but-cheating partner does no good to this formula πŸ™„πŸ˜•πŸ˜ŽπŸ€¬πŸ˜‘

That’s just my opinion of things as I see it right now…do let me know if you agree or disagree. Peace 😊✌️

35 thoughts on “Is there a secret formula to a happy marriage?? πŸ€”πŸ€”

  1. Good one my friend. I wish life was 2+2=4 but it’s not.
    As I wrote long back and it is still true – Love is a One Way Street

    And yes Friendship is vital.

    Do check out my book – 4 Pillars of Abundant Life

    I am sure it will help πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Am so happy to know that you agree that friendship is crucial to sustain a relationship…. you had such a beautiful relationship with your wife…so coming from you, I think then that I make a fair point…thanks a lot..and will surely check out your book..am sure it will be as wonderful as your blogs 😊😊

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree with your thoughts G. For a marriage to work well, it requires lot of effort from both the spouses. During the lock down, being locked together for long hours have worked both ways…..in some it rekindled the lost spark due to lack of time earlier and in some it back fired with overdose of time with each other.
    Glad that your relationship has withered many a storm. I am sure it will continue to sail well in future too. Take care. Wishing you happy times my friend πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re so right Radhika, this lockdown has either made couples close or forced them farther apart… testing times for sure…and i really feel developing a bind of friendship (if you don’t have it already) is the best thing you can do to improve the bond…thank you for your sweet words Radhika…truly means a lot πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  3. MAKES SENSE–MY FIRST BEING ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED, WE SAID WE WERE FRIENDS BUT WEREN’T AND BROKE UP. MY SECOND BEING ENGAGED, DIANA AND I BE CAME FRIENDS WHILE COURTING AND WE ARE APPROACHING 32 YEARS MARRIEDM THIS COMING JUNE!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. 32 years!! Wow that’s absolutely fantastic Jonathan…you both are the perfect example of friendship sustaining a long term, happy, healthy relationship…best wishes to both of you πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hello πŸ‘‹ you have been nominated for the outstanding blogger award. Congratulations 🎊 If you wish to receive your nomination, head over to my blog, read the blog post titled Outstanding blogger award to know the rules. If you’re an award free blog, please let me know.

    Like

  5. Well said. This is such a complex matter. Marriage. And it will always be. Coz, honestly it doesn’t come naturally to human beings. Love does, Lust does, and Friendship does too. But not marriage. It’s a mechanism to keep society in order, and all mechanisms need constant work to keep them going. So it becomes a chore for many after that flaming passion that fuels it wears off. Expectations set in. Even the thought that the other shouldn’t expect is an expectation, right? And love becomes more of a verb than a feeling. You’ve got to do it. Doesn’t happen on its own. Being friends is really very important to sustain after that. Kind of friends with benefits. :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Sundaram, you have perfectly summarised all that I was trying say πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»…a marriage is always a work in progress..the friendship adds some fun to it and helps you to keep going ☺️☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree with you. Friendship is a vital to any happy and healthy marriage but it’s the communication aspect of the friendship. I find a lot of marriages fail when parties can not learn to communicate with each other. To clarify what I mean by communication, I don’t mean one person speaks and the other person gets defensive and feels attaxhed. I mean when two people realise it’s not me vs my husband but me and my husband vs the problem. I think this is key to a successful marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t have surmised better than this….how wonderfully put….you’re so right….it should always be me and my husband Vs the problem…I will try to remember this always….thank you for this thought πŸ’“πŸ’“

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Some great insights here! I’ll be sure to heed your advice. Fortunately, a deep friendship is the core tenet of my relationship. It’s definitely a vital foundation. You’re also right that the pandemic has transformed many relationships. Hopefully your marriage is ultimately strengthened by the current situation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad to know that you liked reading this one. It’s great to know that your relationship is also based on the strong foundation of friendship… honestly that’s the best way to be I feel. 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m focusing on Marriage this week on my blog/social media so I’m out researching what others say and think. Love your thoughts and vulnerability on the subject here! I have found that people are wary to talk about their marital problems (so kudos to your husband’s friend) and even less likely to fully address them. Sometimes this goes on for years before that rug has no more room for things to be brushed under. After seeing many a divorce, and yet still choosing to marry myself, I am passionate on the subject and find myself being both a mentor (for those who haven’t thought about it as much as I have) and forever student (always trying to learn more!) Thanks for sharing πŸ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much…glad you appreciate the thoughts and sentiments behind the post…it is so important to address your issues and being friends with your spouse really helps with that..loom forward to reading your blog(s) on marriage πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—πŸ’Ÿ

      Liked by 1 person

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