Happiness v/s Sadness..who wins??

The other day, while talking to my mother-in-law, she told me “dear, you have been living in isolation at home for the past 6 months, you must make phone calls and talk to people more often. Call your friends, cousins..just talk to them regularly about anything that’s bothering you and which you can’t discuss with us oldies. It’s always good to get things off of your chest”. I know it was a well intended piece of advice from someone who cares a great deal, but as if on autopilot mode, pat came the reply “No thank you, I don’t need to share my problems with anyone”. The reply was brazen and there was an uncomfortable, awkward silence for a few seconds before I said “I am fine. Really. Don’t worry”, in an effort to get past this awkward juncture in the conversation.

Truth be told, the sheer bluntness of my reply caught me by surprise. And am sure it surprised her as well. Because, anybody who knows me, sees me as a bubbly, cheerful, talkative individual. And it is true. I am that. I am comfortable talking non stop, even with strangers!! I love socializing, meeting people, be it family or friends, having pleasant conversations. Forwarding double meaning WhatsApp chats πŸ˜›πŸ˜›. You can talk about anything under the sun. And I will have my 2 cents to add to that. I am easy going and have no airs or pretences. I am just as comfortable with someone I met recently and know nothing about, as I am with my oldest friends.

But that happy go lucky exterior is just a part of me. A part that all people see. The part that I want them to see. And like I mentioned earlier. That part IS me. I am not faking it or pretending. But there’s a whole other part which is unknown to the world, including many I have known my entire life.

This is the part that is fighting a silent fight every moment of every day. The one that’s in constant pain. Physical pain? Yes, very much so, due to the myriad health issues. But much more than that, it’s the mental pain. Pain of not having so many things I wanted, of not getting to experience so many things that most people take for granted. It’s the part that lives in constant fear, anxiety and grief. The part that’s always afraid of what the future holds. The part that always overthinks, over stresses and over analyzes and is basically in panic mode 24/7. Most people who know me have no clue about this other part. This other side of me. It’s like 2 dual personalities coexisting, almost like the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Just that, here it’s not a case of good and evil. Rather, a case of happy and sad.

This brief conversation really got me thinking. Why is it that I find it easy to share my happiness with others but never my sadness? Share the little joys but never the sorrow? After all, that too is as much a part of me and who I am. And it’s not that people haven’t reached out to me, offering to listen with genuine intent. But the moment that happens, I freeze. Unable to speak, unable to communicate. Unable to share. Unable to open up. What am I so afraid of? Being judged? Being perceived differently? Being labeled a crybaby? I pondered over this question for quite a while. And even now, I don’t have a 100% clear answer to that. But I think I figured out a few possible reasons for that.

Maybe I don’t share my sorrows because I don’t want to look weak, or maybe because I don’t want anybody’s sympathy. God, I know I hate that when people say ‘oh poor you’, ‘don’t worry everything will be fine’ and other such well meaning stuff which are probably said out of genuine concern, BUT no, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be the sad, hopelessly depressed soul who people start ignoring and avoiding after a while, coz ‘oh she’s such a drama’ or ‘oh she’s such an epic bore’, or ‘poor thing, she’s been through so much, no wonder she’s so sad’. No, certainly not what I want.

Because you see, I really believe that some fights are personal. Some battles are best fought alone. Just like the good and evil are always at war inside us, so is the happy and sad. And just like good triumphs over evil, on the days or moments, when that happiness triumphs over the sadness…..well that’s a battle well fought and won. And each such moment, when I choose to keep aside the sadness and decide to BE happy (not fake it), it’s definitely worth celebrating. To pat and tell myself ‘Girl, you did well!!’. It’s like a party thrown by me…For Me!! After all, who can understand you better than yourself? Who can really push you and be your biggest motivator? YOU!! πŸ˜€πŸ˜Ž

Happiness is a decision~ Michael J Fox.

So for the outside world, I’d rather be the gal with the cherubic smile.  The one who’s fun to be around. The one with no worries. And maybe eventually, I will BE that person. FULLY.

We’ll see how that goes.
Here’s hoping. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Ps. All images are from Google.

Edit: seeing the comments, I should clarify..my mom in law understands my need to do this myself and we are totally cool. We immediately patched up and are back to chit-chatting, including some family gossips πŸ˜œπŸ˜›πŸ˜‚

78 thoughts on “Happiness v/s Sadness..who wins??

  1. I so much love your heartfelt honesty on happy and sad! This is a time that allows for much introspection and unfortunatly over thinking comes with the territory. It’s good you are sharing this other part of yourself. Such a great post for others who too share this side. We are so conditioned and trained to be happy all the time and outgoing. I have found although i appear to be an extrovert, I LOVE my alone time. Be gentle with yourself and be proud of your vulnerability and make a list daily of what you are proud of or learning about yourself. Life will change and you will have a world back where you can hopefully honor all parts of yourself. hope that wasn’t too “preechy”.. ❀️ Cindy

    Liked by 11 people

    1. Thank you Cindy for your encouragement. I wasn’t sure of posting this as it was too personal but then what are blogs for? Where else can I be unapologetically myself…good or bad, happy or sadπŸ˜›. I love my alone time. Just that sometimes I struggle between the happy and sad bit. I live the idea of the daily list of happiness. I will give it a shot. Thanks for suggesting. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Yoiu’re so welcome and it’s refreshing and such a great forum for honestly and support.
        You sound like you are figuring it all out nicely and life is double challenging righ now. big hugs and love, β€οΈπŸ€— Cindy

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes…trying to figure out things, through all of life’s ups and downs…in the meantime overjoyed to know I have some wonderful friends here to support and encourage. Thank you once again Cindy. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

        Liked by 2 people

      3. We all are and they keep changing and then we figure htewn out again.. life is always changing and it’s soooo true we are blessed with a great community here. You’re most welcome. β€οΈπŸ€—

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Beautiful post dear girl. You know most of us have that dual personality but degrees vary. My siblings are good at sharing their problems and concerns but I am not 😊

    I hope you hugged your mother in law later πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you so much. It really means a lot that you and others can relate to it. Those who can share their problems, I think it’s quite an enviable quality. I don’t think I will ever get there but at least I can choose to fight and be happy.

      I did give her a virtual hug as she’s in another place. Promise to give a real one when we meet😊😊

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Everyone suffers from this two-facedness. The degree and the emotion varies. In my case, it is every bubbly positive persona and the short tempered shrieking banshee (from my kids’ perspective πŸ˜€). I am working on it though. You just opened your heart out in front of us, your faceless readers. Though you haven’t shared your actual problem, we have got a gist of the real persona you are trying to hide and the reason behind it. I guess if you put forth your point that you might not be interested in sharing all your emotions, it will be well taken. I can’t help but feel bad for your MIL. Like Ashok sir mentioned, I hope you made up with her.
    My best wishes and please know that you are not alone in this.πŸ€—

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words RamyaπŸ˜€β˜ΊοΈ. I am really overwhelmed to see that you and others can relate to it. I did think I was the lone idiot out there. I did make up with my MIL. We still talk everydayπŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh am so glad to know that…that I speak on behalf of a few more like me..well clearly, you and I are not alone in this daily fight of dual personalities. Sending lots of love to you πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is such extremely good introspection of something so complicated – human psychology. You are so brave to be able to voice it out plainly – in a very good read too! And there are others like that – assuredly! The reason for the pain or shying away from seeking help can differ, but the reaction is always the same, trusting oneself only to fight out ones own battles. Good or bad, it’s not easy to change, we need to live the moments with what we have and manage to be as happy as we can be with those. And the pat on the back (literally!!!) is always an extremely helpful gesture. I know that to be an accepted gesture in Scouts and Guides to promote fulfilment and happiness of mind. I understand not the intricacies of this psychology but I fully understand the reaction because I too suffer (is suffer a right word?) from it πŸ™‚
    Kudos for all the success that you fought and brought for yourself!!!

    Liked by 6 people

    1. You are absolutely correct. We all need to live our truths. Good or bad, we need to accept both, deal with it and learn to live with it. It’s the same for everyone. I just can’t share the experience with anyone. So in that case, I gotta be my own shrink πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  5. We all are like that I guess and at some or the other point of time or situation we do behave that way. Later we realize and this realization is important as not realizing will get us on our nerves. πŸ™‚
    I am also like that, usually am very soft spoken but my all day tiredness with my son blasts off sometimes on my husband as I give him a blunt reply but fortunately he understands me well and the situation. So find some punching bag out there. Whenever I am angry, the best I do is stay quiet or go wash the dishes, clean the kitchen anything to cool myself down and figure out what’s exactly bothering me. And trust me now if it’s related to some people’s behavior I just ignore and giving them importance is not giving importance to your own time.
    I hope in someway I may have helped you out(fingers crossed) πŸ˜€
    Loved your honesty filled post.
    Take care.
    Love and hugs. πŸ€—β€οΈπŸ€—

    Liked by 6 people

    1. What you say is so true. We need to introspect to identify what’s bothering us and then explain to ourselves how to deal with it. I would prefer a real punching bag, but until then my husband bears the bruntπŸ˜›
      Thank you for your valuable feedback. I started blogging thinking this is the place where I just ramble and vent but many people have been kind enough to share valuable advice, that I will surely try to implement ❀️❀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha ha for the husband part πŸ˜‰ better be each other’s punching bag, πŸ˜„ but sometimes when it has to do with husband, then I stay quiet, pick up my phone and write all of my angst, emotions and he says.. You get credit for this to always make me feel guilty just because you can write and I can just speak. πŸ˜‰
        So yeah be happy, you are also too kind enough my dear to share your thoughts with us.
        Stay safe
        Take careπŸ€—β€οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Pete for reading my blog. You are right, these days, positivity is hard to maintain. It’s an ongoing, everyday process. But we must always try. Hope you find your day of hope too. Best wishes. 😊

      Like

  6. Oh, we’re very similar… I don’t show my emotions (especially grief) because I don’t want to labeled as weak and I don’t want sympathy from anyone. But I read somewhere that sadness and happiness are like wolves. The one you feed is the one that grows!

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Am happy you could relate to my thoughts.😊 Yes you are so right. Sometimes it’s good to starve both so that they don’t grow into big wolves and engulf us. πŸ˜›

    Like

  8. I am so sorry for your struggle 😦 I can deeply imagine how hard that is. I am glad you have a mother-in-law who loves you, that is such a gift. May God strengthen you on your journey and show your deep heart what a treasure you are to Him. Thank you for sharing transparently with us! ❀ ❀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you Jennifer for reading my blog and appreciating the honesty. That means a lot. And yes, relying on the Almighty’s blessings to sail through life’s complexities. Thank you for your empathy once again.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading Cherelle, Am so happy to know that my words resonated with you. We usually write to express what we feel..but if someone else identifies with it…that’s an awesome feeling..like you are not alone in this struggle…and yes…sometimes we are enough to tackle our troubles and overdone all odds…hugs to you.πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Some fights are personal, and I think we circle the wagons around us and fight that fight. That ends up becoming isolation if we are not vigilant. And I must say, this was an incredible share. Certainly requires a 2nd reading to truly appreciate what you’ve created. Bravo. Well done indeed.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes you are right…we must know the difference between a personal fight and isolation. If we feel ‘i can’t deal with it alone’…then we must reach out for help. Absolutely no harm. Depends on our comfort. Thank you RecoveryWise…your kind words mean the world to me.πŸ’•πŸ‘

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so true !!!! We are almost alike in thoughts !!!!! While reading this I felt someone poured my heart out, someone finally understood how I feel !!!! I listen to other people’s problems, grief and whatnot but never share mine because of the exact same fear that I will appear weak !!!! Even if I share something ,the next moment I start regretting that why I did so?? !!! πŸ’—πŸ’— You have done a pretty good job with writing

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Am glad to know that you could relate and felt like it’s your story too.i guess thats the beauty of wordsπŸ’•..
      isn’t it wierd that those of us who are agony aunts to so many people, are actually the ones unable to share their pain with anyone else??πŸ€”πŸ€”

      Liked by 1 person

  11. You ask yourself good questions. I understand your tendency to not share your troubles. I was raised to never inflict your problems on other people, doing so was bad manners. Because of that I am reluctant to talk with people about what’s bugging me, but listen to them go on and on, venting about every little thing [it seems to me].

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hehe….I am sure you listen to others vent about petty things…coz I have been there too… listening to others ranting about boyfriends, husband’s, jobs, bosses..this and that…πŸ˜›πŸ˜›
      Guess for people like us…we have to be our own agony aunts…our own shrinks..we are our only hopes to solve our problems πŸ™„πŸ₯΄

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I’d like to add my two cents here if I may. For most of my life I only let others see the happy side of me. My pain side, my “dark” side and yes we all have one, goes deep. With age came with it confidence I myself and my training to show my happy face began to flicker. Along comes this historical Dark Event of the world and with it my dark side came crashing all around me. I worked through it. And when I did I no longer held back the “truth” of my emotions. I don’t rag on other people until the cows come home, but I do speak my mind, say for example, I’m struggling for some reason that day. I’m honest. I also no longer want others’ approval so if what I say they don’t like that no longer bothers me. I’m no longer swallowing my pain and sorrow BUT I also don’t go around with my chin on my shoes all the time either. Balance is key. I tend to be more up then down on the whole. AND I will only speak my “troubles” to those I trust. It takes “time” to find the balance in life. I still don’t have it 100% but I’ve gotten a lot better. Keep on asking yourself questions and listen to your heart. You cannot go wrong there!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Of course you can add your 2 cents and more…after all what’s this blogging community for?? πŸ˜› Thank you for sharing. And I so agree with you on this…balance is the key and achieving that is a continuous process. Coz we are all work-in-progress right? So happy to connect with you and share our thoughts. Keep thriving. Best wishes to you to πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My 2 cents is just my cute way of saying …. here I am! LOL There are benefits of age. I’ve never felt better about myself as a person now compared to my younger years. Hopefully those who I do talk to who are younger can a glean something from what I have learned. Perhaps? SMILE!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Another heartfelt post. Very relatable… That’s a never ending fight I guess… but again, we can choose to feed one side over the other… and you’ve chosen the one which delights people… thank you for that…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Sundaram, you are so right…it is a never ending struggle of choosing sides…but hopefully keeping in mind my own personal happiness and peace of mind, rather than pacifying
      Others 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I find this very relatable. For me, the challenge isn’t inherently sharing the not happy stuff, but more that I don’t think of my network as being a good audience for it, either because they aren’t good listeners, aren’t trustworthy, or are too busy with their own lives/challenges. Having good listeners really affects my ability to share.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s true. If people are not willing to listen then who will you share it with? I have people who can or want to listen… but I just don’t like to give them a chance…as I am wary of sharing my feelings with one and all…guess our circumstances are different but end result is the same. Hehe…thanks for sharing 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I could also be making assumptions. It could be that my network would be good listeners and I haven’t given them the chance. Or that they are looking for me to be a good listener and I haven’t been there for them, so they are loath to return the favor. It is definitely a two-way street

        Liked by 1 person

  15. This post did resonate with me a lot. I can agree that we all have 2 sides to our personality, and we all struggle to deal with the said problems. However, I feel that this pandemic has given us a chance to face them and to make the best of whatever we currently have.

    Just remember you’re not alone in this situation, and don’t beat yourself up for that. Just be strong, and hope for the best! We’re all here to support you ❀ πŸ€—

    Liked by 3 people

  16. An honest and inspiring post. I think everyone on earth has a part of them the world doesn’t know about. We do have a part of us that is oten in pain, it could be anything. When I see people highly ecstatic, as I often could be, I also think about the pains no one knows about.
    My smiles can be deceptive. Sometimes they seem to be a facade even though I don’t pretend those smiles and laughter.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow….seems like we are soul sisters Florence…I have emphatically mentioned that the smile and jolly nature isn’t fake…but then there’s lot more that isn’t for public knowledge…am so happy to see that am not the only wierdo with such compartments…much love to you πŸ€—πŸ’Ÿ

      Liked by 1 person

  17. great subject that we can all relate to β€” I’m often reminded that for as much as we try to appear perfect to others, it’s the times when we show ourselves as most vulnerable that people are best able to connect with us…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agree dear..but then again some of us struggle to show the vulnerable side to others and rather prefer to deal with it ourselves… choosing what to portray to the world is a continuous struggle 😌

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Thank you for sharing. This is so very important. All emotions are valuable and needed. Happiness is just one of them. Sadness, grief, anger, worry and fear are all part of our emotional toolbox, and we need to experience them all in a healthy way.

    Liked by 1 person

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